I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
