Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
