Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
