Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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