this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
