This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
