i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
