I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
