We won't sleep together?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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