Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
