remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
