I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
