when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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