He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
