he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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