The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
