i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
