my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
