There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
