If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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