Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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