We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
