I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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