So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
