i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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