Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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