i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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