naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
please don't ironically join a cult
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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