dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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