good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
