If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize