WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
