how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh god it's open bar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
