I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
