The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
