I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
