His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Boobs are out for the taking
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
