i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize