Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
