I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
