We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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