i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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