just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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