Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
