Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
