One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
