I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
