Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
