all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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