I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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