you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
