Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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