Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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