My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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