That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
