when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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