she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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