please come you make the beer taste better
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
