I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
