We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
