Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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