Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize