Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
