My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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