Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
