i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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