I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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