Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
