I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
