'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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