I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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