ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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