that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
