I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
