i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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