Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
