i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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