he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
