I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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