just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like giving head to a cactus.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
