Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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