i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
