I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
