Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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