Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
