There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
