I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
