I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
