Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
