she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
