I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
