scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
