guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
