Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize