for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
