11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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