What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
