the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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