i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
