you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
