Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
