Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
