I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I want a musical about memes.
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