We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
