the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
